Divorce Letter to my Addiction

Dear Jones,

We have been separated for about a year now, and we have had our ups-and-downs but it is clear that it is not working out between us. I want a permanent separation. I want a divorce. I have wanted to think you were good for me for so long, for 14 years I tried ignoring this feeling that you were not healthy. I cannot continue to do that anymore. I can no longer ignore how sick you are, and how much you have infected me with your disease.

You were great to me at one point in my life, comforting me when times were hard. The problem is, that Jones I got to know and love… thats not really the Jones that you are. You are a lier, incapable of saying truth. You refuse to let me find happiness. You have ravaged my life and hurt everyone around me. You have stolen my emotions to where I feel nothing, and you blame it on everything else in the world. The problem is not my family, my friends, or my work. The problem is you, Jones, its always been you.

Through this past year of separation I have been able to think, and see clearer than I ever have before. You have slowly been destroying me. You have been rotting me away from the inside out. All you ever think about is yourself, your needs, and your wants. Jones does whatever is best for Jones no matter who get hurt. I always chose what was best for you. I lied for you. I stole for you. I called in sick for work when you wanted me to. I did everything for you. I sacrificed so much of myself just to be USED by you. You live to kill and kill to live. Jones, you will NOT kill me. I am divorcing you because I do not deserve to be abused by you any longer. I do not need to be controlled by you ever again. I do not want you, and I do not need you in my life. I am determined to live a healthy, long life.

This life I dream of is not one that includes you. This is a life of me living out my authentic self. You know, that little girl you started to control and tear down at just 8 years old? Yeah her. I am getting to know her. I am learning about what God says about me. This past year I have been able to invest my time and my love into a Higher Power that Loves me. I am His beloved daughter. I belong to Him, and there is NOTHING I can say or do to change that. He tells me nothing but truth, and guides me to safety. His Son died, and rose from the dead three days later to save me from everything you put me through Jones. I have failed God so many times. Every day I do not live up to His expectations. Unlike you, when I fail, God does not place shame or condemnation. He responds with grace, peace and love.

So this is goodbye, Jones. I have found a Higher Power worth living for. I have found a purpose. I have found true love, true peace, and true healing. Thank you for teaching me what I do not want. I am glad to be free to discover what I do want. I am excited for a life guided by God. I am looking forward to a life of truth, love, and light, not lies, hate and darkness. So with that said, I am divorcing you. A permanent separation, where you have no say or sway in my life any longer.


Byebye Butterfly



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