I always needed more stuff. More clothes, more candles, more gadgets, or more plants! My room was pretty much terra greenhouse at one point. Oh! I also had a phase of needing all the at home workout equipment Walmart could offer. Ha! At home workouts… not a thing that works out for me. Get it..?
None of these things are bad things. The problem with accumulating all this stuff is that I am filling my life with unnecessary stuff. I was filling my life with these things because they made me happy… for five minutes. In that five minute span, this thing, this object that would soon just be a part of all my stuff, had made me feel a little more whole.
I have this void inside of me. I wonder how many of you have felt it too? I am surly not alone when I say I have tried filling the void with my smartphone, social media, stuff, alcohol, and a meander of other things. Those things had put a bandaid on my empty feeling, but a bandaid wears off after some time. They loose their stickiness and fall to the ground. They loose their intended purpose. I was buying room decor, pillow cases, plants, clothes, anything. I was buying anything that i liked because it made me feel good! Soon after, it would loose its intended purpose. It wouldn’t make me feel good anymore.
I would buy it online, that way I had something to look forward to. I had a conversation with a friend about a year ago, and we talked about just that. I introduced her to a very cheap website where you can buy anything and everything. I would go through shopping sprees where I would buy a bunch of unnecessary things, and then two months later when it shows up, its like Christmas because I don’t even remember what I bought. Unbelievably Unnecessary. My friend would buy one or two things a month, because it made her feel good. It was something she could look forward to. I am not shaming her at all because I was doing the exact same thing! She just had more self control to not buy 15 things in 15 minutes. She wanted those things, where I felt like I needed them. We chatted about how nice it is to have things coming in the mail to look forward to, rationalizing my unnecessary spending habits.
We aren’t wrong. It is very nice to have little gifts to yourself show up at your door wrapped in the bubble wrapped white bag. It is nice to have a new little something to wear, or put up, or use. Heres where the problem lies. Bringing the problem back to the void. This void can be permanently filled and healed, if I so choose. Yet, I choose to clutter my life with stuff, burry myself under things, so that I do not need to put in the hard work.
Clicking a couple buttons and buying something is so much easier then having a strong relationship with God. I can’t speak for the long term habits that come with a strong relationship with God because I am still forming those. Although, I have friends with these habit, and I know it is something to look forward to. It is so much easier for me to pick something worldly to spend my time with because that is what I am use to. I am use to sitting in front of my laptop on Netflix, or being in the car with the radio blasting. I have been filling my life with unnecessary noise and unnecessary things for so long that if I don’t have those, I feel uncomfortable. My habit is to always have noise, my habit is to fill sadness with stuff. As I try and change that, it is going to be uncomfortable. If I look longterm, I am so much more better off spending my time with God, then with stuff.
Stuff is the bandaid, and God is the mothers kiss that makes it all better. God makes my emptiness, filled. This is a God shaped hole that I try and fill with my smartphone, social media, and now as you know… stuff. I am a very imperfect person, and I am glad to be. If I was perfect, what would I need Gods grace for? To receive Gods grace, all I have to do is tell Him I’ve messed up. I need to ask God for forgiveness, I will tell Him I have been trying to fill this hole inside me with stuff. Ask Him to fill the void, because He is waiting for me to ask. For that to happen I need to spend time with Him. I need to close my laptop and turn off my radio, find a quiet space in my mind and pray. God is willing and waiting. All I have to do is accept the invitation.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and feel free to share it around.
PS- This post took me so long to write because as I go through this series of things I am saying goodbye to, this is the most recent that I continue to work on. I felt very strongly I needed to write it anyways. Being vulnerable in the middle of struggle is so much harder then talking about it after the fact. Although, I have read a handful of minimalist books and have gone through my closet 3 times and got rid of garbage bag after garbage bag of clothing (I could open my own good will at this point), I still have so much stuff. What I talked about today is still a very real struggle for me. But everyday God meets me with Love and Grace.