Goodbye Series Part 5: Lying

So what if told a little white lie. So what if I tweaked what was said, or the tone it was said in. So what if it all wasn’t totally true. So what if those little white lies turn into completely made up stories. So what if I actually start believing the lies I tell others.

We have talked about my addictive personality. If it is possible to get addicted to it, chances are, I would be the one to try it and get addicted. That being said, I have been lying for as long as I remember. I have hid so much from the world since I was a little girl that lying is natural to me.

So natural, that on the day one of my best friends was getting engaged and I was going to help set up for it, I had to lie to her. I told her I was going to see beauty and the beast with my mom. She completely believed me, which was funny for a handful of reasons. Some of those reasons being I don’t see movies on nights that aren’t cheap night. The likelihood of me seeing the beauty and the beast are slim to none. Before a couple of months ago my mom and I didn’t really hangout, and we for sure never went to the movies together. Jury is still out on whether or not my mom has been to a movie since polar express 3D came out and we went as a family.

I talked to my friend later about it and she said “You know, it is scary how well you lie.” Yes, it is scary. I am telling a story that actually happened and a lie slips out without me even thinking of saying it. What do I do then? Do I say I lied, or do I leave it there and hope the lie isn’t that big of a deal. Old me goes for option two… just let it be, it probably makes my story sound better.

New me says otherwise. New me doesn’t want to have to expel the energy into remembering small details that I decided to alter. New me doesn’t want to spend the time wondering if they believe me or not. New me wants real friendships, where I don’t hide behind walls and make up stories so that the person likes me more. New me doesn’t have to hide my addiction. New me doesn’t have to engage in my addiction. New me doesn’t lie. Well, thats a lie… sometimes I do. The difference is, when I catch myself lying, I admit it.

When I choose to acknowledge my faults, shame cannot take over. Shame has me believing that I am bad. I am a bad person. At the core of who I am, God says I am bad. That is a huge lie! I have done bad things, and I can feel guilty for that, but I am not a bad person. I am who God truly says I am. I am made perfect. I am Loved unconditionally. I am made for a divine purpose in mind. And I am saved, no matter what I have done. With that said, I say goodbye to lying, and hello to embracing honesty.


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